A MAYBEIST FAQ

HOW DID MAYBEISM COME INTO BEING?
On a given Thanksgiving Day, a secret cabal of mysterious persons were drinking wine like water while waiting for their turkey to be served. The female member of this contingent was inspired to outline a maybeist philosophy on a paper cocktail napkin for all present to cogitate upon. Her brother, who also was part of this cabal, immediately had a revelation of ‘easy bucks’ in this concept. Knowing that he was in California, where almost any and every cult has a good chance of taking root, he copped the idea outright and declared himself the Pope Without Hope of Maybeism. Thus, the USA’s first and foremost openly “For Profit Faith” was born. Turkeys are now sacred to all true Maybeists. If you hear someone calling someone else a “turkey butt” it might be a compliment!

IT’S RUMORED THAT MAYBEISTS ARE USERS OF A NEW EXPERIMENTAL DRUG, IS THERE ANY TRUTH IN THIS?
Well, yes and no. We do recommend that most members could benefit from experimenting with a class of drugs called SCUI’s. These are known scientifically as Selective Certainty Uptake Inhibiters. The leader in this class of drugs is SUMBUTNOTAL. It is based on a formula originated by Robert Anton Wilson, who just happens to be a saint in the Church of Maybeism known affectionately as San Raw. And yes, that is connected via synchronistical correspondence with Sun Ra! We don’t recommend that you stay high on Sumbutnotal all the time. But, it‘s wise to keep a bottle handy and take a capsule immediately if you find yourself thinking things like “all Jews are money hungry”, “all women are gold diggers” or “all blacks can dance better than whitey”. Come to think of it, all blacks dancing better than ‘whitey’ comes so close to being 100% true that it might not be necessary to down a Sumbutnotal after making this observation. If you don’t agree, just go down to some dance emporium full of Yuppies & Generation Xer’s and watch then jerk around! And last but not least, if SCUI drug residues were to seep into the public water supply it could improve the contentious nature of American society immensely!

WHY DO MAYBEISTS HOLD THEIR MAIN SERVICE ON TUESDAY NIGHTS AT 11PM?
It’s simple; a complete lack of significant competition from other faiths is experienced at this day and hour. We are in a serious quest for souls and dollars and even the New Agers aren’t doing anything meaningful at this time. Also, twelve AM hours plus eleven PM hours = 23. Not to mention, holding service at this hour allows our preachers time to eat supper first and still get ‘cranked up’ on wine in order to add power to their sermons.

YOU CLAIM TO HAVE “FAITH IN DOUBT’, ISN’T THIS A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS TO SAY THE LEAST?
Not at all, if you keep asking enough questions you will find that any concept or statement is incomplete and ultimately provisional in nature. You will then have a well founded faith that doubt keeps you honest. Maps of ‘reality’ always need to be updated. Just try to find your way around San Francisco with your GPS or your MAPSCO after the ‘Big One’ hits! Most folks thought Newton had wrapped it all up, however, the holes in his map ultimately led to relativity theory
and quantum mechanics.

WE HEARD THAT THE CHURCH OF MAYBEISM WAS UP FOR SALE AND COULDN’T FIND ANY LISTING ON E-BAY OR CRAIG’S LIST…
WHAT GIVES?
You bet your life it’s up for sale. We never pass up an opportunity for easy money. $23 & 23 good jokes and the Church is yours. But take heed, you will then have to become the Pope Without Hope and be burdened with guiding the metaphysical development of all humanity. Also, we reserve the right to sell the Church to as many people as we can as many times as we want just like the Brooklyn Bridge!

COULD YOU EXPLAIN THE “HOLY TRINITIES” OF MAYBEISM
Metaphysically it’s the GA, PLACEBO & FORTUNA. In the everyday world it’s the Pope Without Hope, Pastor Maybejohn & Frater Purdurabo S.J. GA (pronounced Gahhh as in GA ALLFULL) is the world’s ultimate inclusive process/concept that contains in itself all thought & manifested matter, energy or form. GA subsumes everything from all deities to your dirty socks & thoughts. It includes nirvana & nine inch nails. It even includes quantum theory & Hawaiian
Luau music. Obviously it contains Brahma, Brahms, Brubeck and Bad Jokes along with String Theory and flat tires. You just can’t get away from the GA, no way! PLACEBO is the deception that works. He heals your body as proven in many medical studies & he gives you all those rationalizations that help get you thru each day. Fortuna is the goddess who will come along and kick you in the ass when you start becoming too sure of yourself. As for those other three: The Pope Without
Hope (PWH) is the ‘Great Decider’ in the Church of Maybeism. He is highly prone to revelatory fits & frothing at the mouth. Pastor Maybejohn (PM) does most of the talking and has honed his skills in the “artful haranguing” of parishioners while cranked up on cheap wine. Frater Perdurabo S.J. (FPSJ) is the Musical Director & Chief Organist at the Maybeist Temple #1 in San Mateo, CA. He also directs the Cacophonous Choir of Fortuna. These ‘boys’ have achieved a mystical union and are able to inhabit the same body simultaneously.

COULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT A “KIA” IS AND WHY MAYBEISTS ARE SO ADAMANT ABOUT DESTROYING “KIAISM”
A KIA is any “know it all” type you might meet. They are most likely to be religious fanatics, atheists, politicians or scientific materialists. However, they are found in abundance among the ‘greenies’, UFO buffs, in pro breast feeding organizations and sports bars. All of these people have the potential to become fanatic or testy in the defense or promotion of their outlook and many cannot handle you not being a part of their ‘consensus reality’. Watch out!!!...they have no sense of humor when it comes to their sacred cows. Our PWH is considering making KIAISM a Maybeist equivalent of Satanism and elevating KIA to the status of a ‘Fallen Angel’. Least you surmise that we are becoming smug & KIA-like ourselves we should remind you that the GA Principle (GAP) allows for this thru its all-inclusiveness. Get the GA….you’ll feel better!

WHO ARE THE SAINTS OF MAYBEISM?
Saint Alfred (Count Alfred Korzybski)--- The Map is not the Territory
San Raw (Robert Anton Wilson)---“Only the madman is absolutely sure.”
St. Werner (Werner Heisenberg)--- The Uncertainty Principle
Saint Twain (Samuel Clemens)---“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.”
San Henry (Henry Miller)--- “Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation, the other eight are unimportant”
Saint Cage (John Cage)--- “I prefer to make music I don’t understand.”
Santa Camille (Camille Paglia)--- “There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.”
Saint George (George Carlin)--- “If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2 “?

DOES MAYBEISM RECOGNIZE ITS SOURCES OR DOES IT THINK ITSELF UNIQUE?
Our ‘sources’ are all in the GA. This includes, but is not limited to; Socrates, Jainology, Discordia, fallibilism, the subgenious cult, George Carlin, RAW and any and all other “shit stirrers” of any kind. We borrow openly and ‘tip our hat’. The GAP gives us permission.

IS MAYBEISM PART OF ANY GREATER CONSPIRACY?
Yes, absolutely. We have joined forces with PC, the People’s Conspiracy & IWAS, the International War Against Stupidity. We’re out to change the way you think (mind control), change the power structure (revolution) and put change in our pockets (get rich quick).

HOW CAN I BECOME A MAYBEIST?
Put up a huge 3D question mark made of tinfoil in your living room. Highlight it with colored lights. Burn incense and light some candles. Invite 23 people over at 11pm on a Tuesday night. Serve copious amounts of cheap red wine. Then ask them 23 prepared questions. Demand 100% agreement on each question. When all of this descends into chaos you will have entered the Maybeist Abyss of Uncertainty (AoU). You are half way home...

WHAT’S THE BEST ADVICE
MAYBEISM HAS TO OFFER?
Don’t let yourself slip into the
SLOTH OF CERTAINTY